Baffled by Life

Welcome to Baffled by Life, a blog exploring the perplexities of everyday situations. If it's your first time here let's get to know each other by utilizing the common formality of introducing ourselves.

Introduction

Hey! What’s up? How’s it? What it do? Good day! Howdy! Salute!

A simple salutation can be quite perplexing at times. In any normal situation (if there is such a thing) a salutation like “what’s up” is not really processed. It’s not given much thought, it warrants an automatic response, “not much.” But to the sometimes insecure and over analyzing individual a.k.a. me this simple greeting can be a source of great stress and contemplation. Have I said enough? Did I disregard this person’s greeting by uttering a simple “not much”? Does this person genuinely wish to know what’s going on in my day, should I elaborate?

I deal with these type of questions because life confuses, amazes, depresses, inspires, and intrigues me, but most of all it baffles me. I recently turned 24, that’s a almost a quarter century old, and I’m quite miserable. Looking back I’ve always been that way or so it seems, but even though I think this phrase is over used I do look at life as half empty instead of half full. I don’t have the life I thought I would, the friends, the money, the job, the family but most of all the contentment. I just don’t know how to deal with life, I feel as though I’m constantly playing catch up with others on the simplest things, such as, how to be a good friend, sister, student, employee or as simple as how to act around friends. It might be due to depression or circumstance, but I realize I have a role to play in this. It’s my reaction to life that has made me miserable. To use another over used phrase life isn’t what happens to you, but how you react and I am tired of playing the victim in my life.

Disclaimer: I do believe circumstance does play a part and there are times when being a victim is completely justified. I just don’t want my entire life to be a victim role.

I”m tired of blaming my alcoholic dad, my volatile mother, my emotionally distant siblings, and whatever else has shaped me. I understand these have influenced me, but I’m tired of them controlling me. I’ve sunk into a deep depression and there are times when I wake up and wish to close my eyes immediately so I can fall into a deep sleep never to wake up, sleep is my only refuge. I don’t want to live like this, suicide is not an option, although my mind tricks me into thinking that it is. I want to climb out of this deep crevasse of unbearable hopelessness and this blog is about the climb (oh no a Miley Cyrus quote never thought I’d do that). Of course my guide is yet another commonly used tool, a 12 step program, Emotions Anonymous a.k.a. EA, along with other tools as I come across them.

I figure if 2012 really is the year of doom then I have nothing to lose and I should attempt to better my life, I should at least die somewhat content. I am trying to navigate my way through this maze called life so this is my space to explore the things life throws at me. I hope you’ll throw your insights, stories, and experiences my way too and let’s try to maneuver this journey together.

Do stick around, but ta ta for now, it’s been wonderful I hope to see you later maybe I’ll ttyl, if you haven’t noticed I don’t like to say bye so please do introduce yourself but in a day where everyone can follow you, like you, and skype you let’s ditch the crowd and keep our anonymity.  Instead of your real name give yourself the awesome name you always wanted, mine is Xena Warrior Princess, ahem non-violent warrior 🙂  what’s yours?

I’ll just catch you later, peace!

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