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In certain situations human contact will make me incredibly nervous by impending my ability to formulate sentences. I then lose all ability to be a functioning social creature and have to analyze the situation.
Exhibit #1: Meeting with my boss
After half an hour of us discussing our new campaign and addressing all that we have done and are about to do my boss (who is pretty awesome by the way) says so do you have any additional thoughts or ideas? uh, um, eh, no not really. You would think after being a super senior and attending higher education for five years it would have prepared me to form more complete sentences, but then again maybe that’s why I needed five years for a four year degree. Before you lose faith in my ability to actually perform this job I should say I did contribute to the conversation earlier in what I think were some meaningful ideas maybe not expressed in the most articulate way, but comprehensible nonetheless. However, I always find that for some strange reason I am not able to fully express myself. I find that after leaving the situation the flood gates of my mind open and let in a plethora of ideas of what I could have said which brings me to exhibit number two.
Exhibit #2: There is no such thing as a simple question
Have you completed the transfer? Well I have transferred the material necessary to be transferred however there are some situations I ran into while doing this and perhaps you should be aware of them here is the list I have compiled. Just so you don’t think I am involved in some illegal drug deal I should say I was transferring content from one website to another. Given my nervous and paranoid nature I don’t think meddling in the black market would suit me. Now I don’t want my insanity to be apparent to my boss so I reply with a questionably simple yes. For some reason this question raises concerns of my actual competency of doing this job, simple as it is. Questions race through my mind, did I transfer the content properly? Did I make a mistake? Maybe I should double check the work before I reply? Should I tell him the bold font only appears in blue and not black on the new website?
It’s really not fun to be in this state constantly. I am puzzled and perplexed by human interaction and if I am uncomfortable the situation will become immensely uncomfortable rather quickly. The awkward silences, the oooookays, and the changing of the subject are too much to bear. All of which then make me analyze the situation as I am speaking. Does he think I am stupid? Not suited for the job? Will I be fired? My competency as a human being is in question and therein lies the stress.
I assume you are much more normal than me, but have you ever found yourself in a situation where you feel you weren’t able to express yourself as you had wished?